Your Alias:

MY STORY

Submitted on: Dec 6, 1998 at 15:31

By: Poor but Proud

This is my story:

I was arrested for writing bad checks. Which really weren't bad, I had the money it just wasn't in THAT account at the time. In fact it was in a jar next to my bed, however the cops were not impressed. I was getting dressed to go out on a Saturday night. Christi John come knocking on the bathroom door, and said "Girl, the police are here." I laughed and said, "Bitch leave me alone." Then I heard a booming man's voice saying, "We got a warrant for yur arrest!" So I splashed some toilet water on my face and opened the door. There stood  Deputy Fife ready to take me to jail for a $3.25 check! So he cuffed me and too me to the car, where he placed me in the front seat, because I was way too fine to sit in the back! We went Downtown, where I was escorted into the jail. After a long battle, they asked what size I was. I thought they meant shoes but they meant a long orange jumpsuit. I said, "PLEASE don't make me wear that hideous outfit, I won't be here that long!" So Christi John, went to my bosses house and got bail money ($200) plus a little extra for drinking money. I got out, went out and went home!

That's my story!

Submitted on: 1/19/99 at 10:09:54

By: David the Evangelist and former "PIG"

Well, I finally have given in and submitted a story for this page -- why, I don't really know. But, as one of the members of the family who has not been arrested (unless you count that time when I was 12 and was brought home to Mom and Dad by the Constable with 2 of my younger brothers), and the only member who actually served in the Blue (Port Arthur, 1977 - 1980), I felt I needed to present the other side of the story, if you will.

I worked for P.A.P.D. for 3 years, mostly on the Graveyard shift. We were affectionately known as the "mushrooms" because they literally kept us in the dark, and figuratively fed us "fertilizer" (remember, I am the Christian, and I've given up using the language that makes even longshoremen blush). Management techniques have not changed much in the past 30 years.

Anyway, working for P.A.P.D. was without a doubt the most interesting job I've ever had -- not a good job for longevity, pay, or for a man with a growing family, but for a young, married college student it was perfect. I worked at night, went to college when I needed to, and slept when I could.

One of the things I learned working for the PD was that people live very different lives. Some of the things I saw during those three years would make anyone cry; laugh; shake in anger, wonder, or disbelief (or all three at once). But, through it all, humor helped us keep our sense of balance (what little we had) as (mostly) young, inexperienced humans thrust into the very heart of mankind's darkest struggles to thrive, understand, and survive. Even in a mid-size town like Port Arthur, I saw things I'll never see again. But, it gave me an understanding of the depths to which humans can sink, and, once in a while, to the level of bravery and self-sacrifice that can only be explained as a gift from our Creator.

I found that most of the time, people brought trouble with the law on themselves (but, not always). So, my advice to you good folks out there is this -- treat the men in blue with respect (whether you feel they deserve it our not), let them do their job, and if you really disagree with them --simply nod and get a good lawyer, later. Although it was a fun but difficult job, I did make a lot of friends on the force -- guys who would literally throw themselves in front of a bullet for each other. And, always with humor.

One of the funniest guys I worked with was a veteran named Eli. Once we stopped a guy for speeding. [Now it's pretty rare that the mushroom shift works any traffic (that being delegated to the less vital shifts, such as the "Day-birds", or the 3-11 maniacs). The mushroom crew worked mainly to break up bar fights, chase drunk drivers, and, best of all, catch burglers in the early morning. But we had our "quota" -- as long as we kept our ticket total in "double-digits" for the month, the Day Lieutenant would keep off our own Shift Commander's back. So, we all tried to write 10 a month -- no more no less.]

Anyway, Eli and I stopped this guy for doing Mach 3 out on the beach road going between Port Arthur and Sabine Pass. Of course, the guy was all mouth, right off the bat. He started with the classic, "Why aren't you guys out catching real criminals, like murderers and dope fiends, instead of hassling honest tax-payers like me." Eli, never missed a beat as he explained Police work to our prey:

"Well sir, Police work (pronounced PO-LEESE -- like a "PO-Boy" sandwich) is a lot like housecleaning. And, right now, we're in YOUR room." He added, "Have a nice night", as he handed him the citation.

I hope that Eli is enjoying his government retirement right now (he earned it), along with all the other good guys that I learned to love while working for the P.A.P.D. Next time you happen to have a meeting with one of these guys, try to remember, they're just ordinary guys, trying to make a living like the rest of us -- make their job a little easier and you might find a friend in a time of need.

David, ex-cop, now-Evangelist